Disease
by Saturn T. Riddle
Summary: Obi-Wan's thoughts after Padme marries Anakin. Set to the song Disease by Matchbox Twenty. This is Obidala. You have been warned. T for a suggestive scene. R/R!


A/N: So there's this song… it's called "Disease" and it's by Matchbox 20. I'm in love with it. It's gotten me through a very difficult relationship, and it popped up on shuffle. Whatdayaknow… here come the plot bunnies. Songfics ftw! I highly recommend you look up the song and youtube and listen to it as you read… it makes it more effective.

This isn't as good as it could be. It's set right after Episode II when Obi-Wan finds out Padme has married Anakin. Rated PG-13 for some mildly suggestive situations… Read and review!

P.S. I'm looking for a beta. Must be willing to read Obidala and my AU fics and have the stomach for smut. Send me a message, visit my LJ (the link's in my profile) or shoot me an email if you're interested. Thanks!

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Dawn was breaking on the planet of Coruscant, and General Obi-Wan Kenobi was watching the sun rise. The Jedi Knight had been up all night, again, sleep evading him for the third night in a row. His eyes, hooded and darkened from the severe lack of rest, searched the city's skyline for some semblance of reassurance. Some sign that the inevitable hadn't happened, and she hadn't left him for his apprentice. He had known it would happen, and he could smack himself now for not preparing better.

The idea had been floating around in his brain for some time now. How could he be so ignorant as to not see it coming? How could he have believed that she would stay true to him when his apprentice was willing to sacrifice everything for her? Obi-Wan himself could not possibly give up the life he had known as a Jedi Knight. Anakin… well, Anakin had not been fully raised as a Jedi. How could he be expected to know and follow the Jedi Code with the strictest discipline?

_Feels like you made a mistake  
You made somebody's heart break  
But now I have to let you go  
I have to let you go _

He expected this from Anakin. He expected his apprentice to go after Padme. Anakin had been obsessed with her since the day he had met her. Obi-Wan knew this well, and yet somehow the outcome shocked him. How could Padme Amidala, who was so mature for her age, go for Anakin? It made little sense in his head.

He tried not to think arrogantly of the situation, yet at the same time this thought was digging at him slowly. He was a greater man than Anakin… he was wise, mature and everything Padme had said she wanted. Anakin was the complete opposite. He was juvenile, whiny, undisciplined. Now the news came to him that his lover had married Anakin, and he could do nothing to avoid the sensation of his heart aching.

_You left a stain  
On every one of my good days  
But I am stronger than you know  
I have to let you go _

He thought back to his last meeting with Padme… it had been difficult for her to sneak away with Anakin keeping such a fanatical eye on her. It had taken all her patience to explain to the teenager that she had business that night and she did not need him to follow her along. Obi-Wan, meanwhile, had left Anakin without a word. The two lovers had agreed to meet in Coruscant's dark underworld. The idea of this was nothing new to them; they had managed these secret trysts without Anakin's knowledge for years. It was only now that the danger was becoming apparent.

Anakin's obsession had grown steadily after ten years of Padme's absence from his life. Obi-Wan, on the other hand, had been meeting with her whenever she had come to Coruscant for political business. It was always the same: they met in the same seedy bar, far away from the senate and the Temple. Padme was stripped of all formal clothing, opting for a scanty dress and a blonde wig to hide her identity. Obi-Wan shed his Jedi attire, wearing black leather pants, something a normal Jedi would never be caught dead in. There was always a table in the back, and they always had a few drinks before retiring to a room upstairs.

_No one's ever turned you over  
No one's tried  
To ever let you down,  
Beautiful girl  
Bless your heart _

This last time had been different, though. Something about her had changed. Though she had quietly complained of Anakin's relentless pursuit, she was distant. Even in the midst of their love-making, she seemed absent.

"Is something wrong, love?" Obi-Wan asked gently, pausing his movements. Padme shook her head and leaned up for a kiss.

"No, Ben," she whispered. "I'm just happy to be here with you again… it's been too long."

Obi-Wan smiled and continued on, reveling in every one of her moans and sighs as the night passed. Still he was worried, wondering what the future would bring.

_I got a disease  
Deep inside me  
Makes me feel uneasy baby  
I can't live without you  
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it  
Keep your distance from it  
Don't pay no attention to me  
I got a disease _

Now he knew… he knew the second the Jedi Council assigned Anakin as Padme's body guard. He never thought in a million years they would marry, yet he saw the affair coming. Perhaps Padme was not as mature as he thought. Maybe she just wanted her youth back, and saw running away with Anakin as a way to get back what had been taken from her as a girl.

He had been musing over this for three night's time now, and still had not come up with a rational explanation for how this marriage came to be. He wanted to believe she knew better, and that Anakin had not tricked her. How could he know for sure, when Padme had not even had the courage to tell him herself? Instead, Anakin, in his excitement, had told Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan, trying to hide his shock, had sworn not to tell the Council.

_Feels like you're making a mess  
You're hell on wheels in a black dress  
You drove me to the fire  
And left me there to burn_

He shook his head in disgust, his heart burning again as he thought of Padme lying in his arms, smiling up at him.

"I love you," she had sighed, one last time before disappearing off with his apprentice. Even now he thought of her security guard's warning.

"I'd be more worried about her trying something, than him."

Obi-Wan tried to brush off the thought, but still he could not fight the feeling of stupidity wracking through his weakened body. He went completely against the Jedi Code and had fallen so deeply in love with her, and here he sat now, betrayed and destroyed.

_Every little thing you do is tragic  
All my life, oh was magic  
Beautiful girl  
I can't breathe_

The pain of losing her was slowly infecting his body and soul, claiming him like a disease. He felt sick to his stomach, finally falling to the floor in disgust as it sank in. She was gone now, and she was not coming back. She had been stolen away from him and thrown away ten years of her life for a teenager. Had she ever really loved him like he loved her? Had she felt even a fraction of the affection that he carried for her?

_I got a disease  
Deep inside me  
Makes me feel uneasy baby  
I can't live without you  
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it  
Keep your distance from it  
Don't pay no attention to me  
I got a disease  
I think that I'm sick  
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me  
You taste like honey, honey  
Tell me can I be your honey  
Be, be strong  
Keep telling myself it that won't take long till  
I'm free of my disease _

A tear slipped down his cheek. Padme, Padme, how could you do this to me? I would've given everything for you if I could… my body, my soul, every fiber of my being. But you knew I could not, would not, give up my life as a Jedi. Is that what you wanted from me?

_Yeah well free of my disease  
Free of my disease_

The tears fell more rapidly now, and Obi-Wan could no longer contain himself. He had been avoiding this moment since the news broke. All this time he had been tempted to contact Padme and tell her off. To convey his shock that she would pull such a stunt, and to look into her eyes with such contempt and disgust that it would stay in her memory and she would feel guilty forever.

_I got a disease  
Deep inside me  
Makes me feel uneasy baby  
I can't live without you  
Tell me what I am supposed to do about it  
Keep your distance from it  
Don't pay no attention to me  
I got a disease_

He knew better. She seemed happy with Anakin, and in the end, all he wanted was for the woman he loved with all his heart to be happy. Even if it was not with him, he wanted every part of her to be at peace and feel joy for the rest of her lifetime. She deserved better, he knew, but if she was satisfied with her decision, then so be it.

_I think that I'm sick  
But leave me be while my world is coming down on me  
You taste like honey, honey  
Tell me can I be your honey  
Be, be strong  
Keep telling myself it that won't take long till  
I'm free of my disease  
Yeah well free of my disease  
Free of my disease_

Still he wept for the loss of his lover. And now he felt her presence in his life a burden, a disease which must be cured. Her betrayal meant she was no longer worthy of his heart, and it was time to move on. Never again would he let another into his heart the way he had let her in. Never again would he be fooled by a fickle woman. Never again would he contend with this disease called love.


End file.
